The Phantom of the Notepad
by Consulting Timelady
Summary: What would happen if Christine forced Erik to work on his penmanship by only writing stuff down instead of talking? We shall find out. Definetly OOC, and rated T just in case.
1. In D minor

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul,_

* * *

**Hello Angel**

**Please don't talk**

**Write it down**

**Because I'll go find Raoul if you don't**

Fine. Good evening

**Watcha doing?**

Composing

**Watcha composing?**

*sigh* a song

**Which song?**

One of them

**What's it calle-**

It's called "Quite bothering me or I will not hesitate to kill you" in D minor

… **Sounds like a fun song!**

*sigh*

_Hi Christine!_

**Hi Meg!**

_Hey Erik!_

Hello

_Sooooooooo… watcha doing?_

That's it! I'm leaving!

_What's his problem?_

**I don't know. He was kind of grumpy earlier also**

_Maybe he's__ pmsing_

**He's a guy**

_Or is he? Bum, bum BUUM!!_

**Hmm, never thought about that. He ****is**** kind of moody**

_The world may never know…_

**I'll go ask him**

_And then there was one_

_So bored!_

_I know! I'll find mum!_

_Bye self!_

_Bye!!_

* * *

**Okay, tell me what you think! Love it? Hate it? A mixture of both?? I wrote some of this during school awhile ago, and just found it again. Please review and tell me if I should keep going or not.**


	2. Like love only deeper

Sorry if this was confusing in the beginning, this is set when the book happens, and they're writing it down on a piece of parchment, then passing it back and forth. And thanks Avatarlover1 for the good review. And without further ado, chapter dosss

Erik: dosss?Me: yes. Dosss. It means two

* * *

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta,**_Raoul,_

**Hey angel**

Hello

**Do you know what day it is?**

Wednesday?

**Yesss, but do you know what happened today?**

Carlotta had a hissy-fit?

***sigh* yesss, but what happened many years ago?**

You know I don't care

**Jesus was born! Well, actually, not until tomorrow, but today is Christmas Eve!**

And?

***sigh* I got you a present**

Joy. I can only imagine what joyous gift you have purchased/made for me

**I can detect you sarcasm even when you write, and it is not appreciated**

You know I still don't care

_Hi Christine_

**Oh hello Meg…**

_What's wrong?_

**Let's just say ****I got 'somebody' a gift, and they won't give me one!**

_Le gasp Christine! Who is 'somebody'?_

**I'll give you a hint. His name starts with Er and ends with ick**

_Umm, can you give me another hint?_

It's me

_Le gasp!_

Will you stop with the 'le gasping'?

_No_

**It's le fun**

Le sigh

**See!**

I will kill you

**Naah, you love me to much**

… how'd you find out? I kept that secret so well!

**Now that is freaky**

_I'd be flattered if I were you_

**Why?**

_He lurves you!_

Lurve?

_Like luff only more intense_

**Luff?**

_Like love only deeper_

Well that makes sense at least… I think

**You get used to it**

_Remember, Jebus luffs you!_

* * *

**Merry Christmas Eve you guys! Or happy holidays, whichever floats your boat. I was reading over my notes for my other story, "Mon Ange De Le Musique" when I thought of doing a holiday special. Kind of like that Rudolph one that my family and I watch. Every single year. No matter what. Yeah… So, hope you have a safe and wonderful holiday break! And credit to my brother for Jebus**


	3. Dashing through the snow

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul,_

**Hark how the bells, Sweet silver bells,**

_All seem to say, "throw cares away"_

Christmas is here, bringing good cheer

_To young and old, meek and the bold_

**Ding dong ding dong, that is their song. With joyful ring, all caroling!**

… Damn you! You ruined it!

**Erik, don't be mean. She was just trying to spread Christmas cheer**

Whatever

**Okay, next carol. You know which one I mean**

**Ready?**

_Yep_

Yes Christine

**Just hurry**

_Yes meh dear_

***clears throat* O** **come, all ye faithful,**

_Joyful and triumphant,_

O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;

**Come and behold him,**

_Born the King of angels;_

O come, let us adore him. O come, let us adore him, O Come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord!

… _I didn't know you sang!_

_Le si-_

Don't even think about it

_Think about what?_

You know what

_Fine…_

Good

_Le sigh!_

Have you heard my newest composition?

_No! Do tell!_

It's called, "The Fop de Chagny is an Idiot"

**What's it in?**

F major

_I love that one!_

*sigh*

**On with the carols!**

**Fine**

**The first Noel, the angel did say,**

_Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay; _

In fields they lay, keeping their sheep, 

**On a cold winter's night that was so deep. **

_Noe-_

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel. Born is the King of Israel!

**Erik**

What?

**You know what**

No, I don't

**Yes, you do**

_I feel left out_

Go to Hell

_Meet you there!_

* * *

**Merry Christma****s everybody! Hope you guys got some awesome presents, I got books and clothes! Woo!**

**Erik: What was one of the books?**

**Me: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown**

**Erik: Isn't he the author of The Da Vinci Code?**

**Me: Yep!**

**Erik: Sorry this was late getting this posted, Courtney had to go to her aunts house where her cousin kept calling her Caitlyn**

**Me: So my mom, aunt, and my other cousins would call me every other name except for my real one. Teehee. Oh! and I had to fix something in here for anyone that might've alerted me or something and got an email**

**Erik: Stop rambling**

**Me: Okeies.**

**Next Chapter Preview (This is where I put a few lines of the next chapter!):**

**Bed. Now.**

Ooooh! Bow chika wow wow!

****

*sigh* not with me

Oh. You suck


	4. Morphine

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul,_

Heeeeeey Christine

**Erik? Are you okay?**

Suuuuure I am

**Right, like I'm going to believe you**

Oh! Guess what!

**What?**

I founded a needle then something labeled Morphine…

**Oh dear**

Then I stuck the needle into my arm wiff the stuff in it and now I feel SO good!

**That's because you're high**

Noooooo, you're the one that's high mon ange!

***sigh* how much did you put in you**

About three, maybe four

**Drops?**

Shots!

**Come on Erik, you're going to sleep this off**

No!

**Yes**

NO!

**Yes**

NOOOOO!

**Erik, do you like your organ?**

Yesh. I lurve it

**Then I would come with me before I burn it**

Yes mommy dearest

**Did you watch that again?**

Yes. *takes deep breath* It was so sad when she beat her with the hanger then made her clean the bathroom then didn't love her and I cried so much that my mask got really wet then I sneezed then it got filled with mucus then I tried to clean it but then it got ruined and I threw it at the fire and now I have no maasskk

**Bed. Now.**

Ooooh! Bow chika wow wow!

***sigh* not with me**

Oh. You suck

**Erik. Don't be rude.**

Stop! You're such a square! Your head is full of air! D-u-m-b, you look like a bumble bee!

**That makes no sense**

You're pretty

***lights match***

Whatcha doing?

***moves towards organ***

Christine, don't

***holds match dangerously close to the music sheets***

I will not succumb to your deeds!

**Oops, I think the match is falling from my fingers...**

FINE! I'LL GO TO FRIKKEN BED!

**Good disfigured man**

Grrrrr you better watch yo back Daae

**Erik, you're not a gangster**

What's a gangster?

… **I don't know**

* * *

**Merry day after Christmas! So Erik, did you get any nice gifts?**

**Erik: Yes. I recieved a few new masks. They're quite nice.**

**Oh! What was the gift Christine got you?**

**Erik: A hankerchief**

**Oh, harsh**

**Erik: I think she forgot that I have no nose... Thus making it very difficult to sneeze cleanly**

**I could tell when you watched _Mommy Dearest_. That was disgusting**

**Erik: I agree. That's why I asked Santa for a new mask. I got one!**

**Did you find the morphine again?**

**Erik: Yesssss!**

***sigh***

**Next Chapter:**

**I LIKE HORSIES!**

Well, that didn't last long

__

Wanna get her drunk again?

…


	5. Beautiful hands

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul,_

**Has anyone ever told you that you have very lovely hands?**

Um, no

**It's a compliment**

I know

**No, but seriously. Your hands are like two graceful birds dancing across fields of music when you play**

When did you get so… deep?

**I don't know. I just woke up and felt different**

Odd.

_Ow! Why'd you throw this at me? It hit me in the eye!!!_

Fool, we need your help

_Why?_

Because Christine woke up this morning spewing meaningful sentences

**It feels so strange to be saying something and have people listen!**

_That is odd. What did you have for dinner last night_

Do not ask that

_Why?_

**Well, I don't really remember. But I did have A LOT of wine**

_So, you're drunk?_

**No. But last night I was… Woo! Everything was so funny!**

I might've accidentally let her have an unreasonable amount of alcohol…

_Did you__… ? Well, you know…?_

OF COURSE! Not. I am a gentleman, not some fop that takes advantage of a drunken girl

_Oh. By the way, what does fop mean?_

Fairly obvious pig

_Oh_

Hmm, perhaps instead of having a hangover with a headache, sickness etc, maybe she gets smarter

**I LIKE HORSIES!**

Well, that didn't last long

_Wanna get her drunk again?_

…

_Maybe not then_

I didn't say no, did I?

_YAY!!_

* * *

**Yay chapter five! I just had some turkey and ham soup, and it made me have a burst of inspiration for another story! But, I will not tell you what it's about yet! Oh, and thank you to **Person **for pointing out an error!**

**Erik: Is that the one where you try to write a story, and it's so horrible that I butt in once in awhile?**

**Shut up! You weren't supposed to say anything!**

**Erik: I'm sorry mademoiselle. Next time I will be more aware of what's going on in your mind.**

***mutters under breath* stupid sarcasm...**

**Nex chapter:**

Did he?

****

Did he what?

Kill me?

****

I'm not answering that


	6. EH!

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta, **_Raoul_

**Hey angel**

Eh

**Are you okay?**

Eh

**It's withdrawal isn't it**

EH

**Not my fault**

Why in the world did you let me drink 10 bottles of wine last night?

**Payback**

FOR WHAT?!

**Do not write/yell at me. And it's payback for getting ME drunk**

Whatever. Where's my music?

**I don't know, you were playing it last night. If I may I say, you play even better when you're drunk!**

I do?

**Yeah, it's weird**

I didn't know I could play better than usual. Wow, I must have sounded amazing!

**Haha no. I lied, you sounded horrible. All you did was bang on the keys making useless noise**

Oh dear! So embarrassing!

**Well, for you anyway**

Was anyone else there?

**Meg, Carlotta, Madame Giry, and Raoul**

*groans* please tell my they were drunk to

**Only Raoul**

Well, then at least he feels as horrible as I do

**He tried to kiss you**

Did he succeed?

**Almost. Meg stopped him by saying I was drowning in your lake. Then he tried to kill you**

Did he?

**Did he what?**

Kill me?

**I'm not answering that**

Aww, come on!

***sigh* think. Do you feel dead**

Um, yes? I DON'T KNOW!

_Why, oh why did I get hit in the head AGAIN?!?_

**HE DID IT!**

Snitch

_Erik, I found a sheet of music in my pocket this morning, would it happen to be yours?_

MY BABY!

_Um, Erik?_

My poor, poor music. Did he hurt you?

_Okay, I'm going to go now…_

Sweet, innocent music, I'm sorry I left you!

**Erik.**

I didn't mean to!

**ERIK.**

I know! I'll go play you! You'd like that, wouldn't you?

**ERIK!!**

What?!?! Can't you see I'm having an intimate moment with my one true love!

**Erik, it's an inanimate object. It doesn't love you**

*sniff* no one loves Erik because he's ugly! Erik will never have anyone to care for. Erik will never love because his heart is made of freaking stone!!!

**Erik, calm down. It's okay. And that's not true, your cat Phoebe loves you**

Her name is Ayesha

**Like I care. I mean, of course**

Thank you for helping calm down

**No problem. I knew there might be a problem because you started to speak in third person**

Yes, I almost attacked you

_Is he calm yet?_

No damn it! And I shall never be calm while you're around!

_Eeep!_

**Nice**

I know

**Sooo, what do you want to do?**

Not sure. Maybe torture a few people, kill some others slowly

**Erik. That's not nice**

Fine. I'll just go cause some mayhem then…

**Be sure to do it somewhere safe, and don't forget your mask!**

EH!


	7. No one would listen to him

**Thanks Lady STRiPES for pointing out I didn't have a preview in the last chapter, so here it is now:**

No one but her

**I'm pretty sure 'her' is me**

* * *

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul_

No one would listen

**What are you talking about?**

No one but her

**Um, is her, me?**

Heard as the outcast hears

**Aw, are you depressed?**

Shamed into solitude

**Raoul**

_What?_

**Watch what he writes**

Shunned by the multitude

_Odd…_

I learned to listen

In my dark, my heart heard music

**You always hear music**

I long to teach the world

_Teach it what?_

Rise up and reach the world

**And do what?**

No one would listen

**I listened!**

I alone could hear the music

**Not reall****y. A lot of people heard the music**

Then at last, a voice in the gloom

**Mine?**

Seemed to cry, "I hear you!

I hear your fears,

Your torment and your tears!"

**I never said that**

_I think he's delusional_

**Chyaa**

She saw my loneliness

**Poor Erik**

Shed in my emptiness

**Maybe if you ate more...**

No one would listen

**Because you repeat yourself SO much**

No one but her

**I'm pretty sure 'her' is me**

_Ya think?_

Heard as the outcast hears

_Ooh, rejected_

**Shh**

No one would listen

**Except when you shout,**

No one but her

Heard as the outcast hears

**You done now?**

*sigh* yeah…

**What was that about?**

… Did you even read what I wrote?

**Yea, you wrote it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and ov-**

We get it

**Okies**

_

* * *

_

Alright, the first person to guess the song name gets Phantom sparkles and a hug from Erik

Erik: *holds punjab up* They get what?

Phantom sparkles and a cookie with your face on it?

Erik: Still strange, but better

Yay! I had to re-publish this because the preview was messed up. Le gasp I know...

Preview:

**What happened to that monkey thing?**

What monkey thing?

**The one that played music and clapped it's hands together**

I can honestly say I don't know what you're talking about

***sigh* It's because you're old...**

_Ya think?_


	8. Comebacks

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul_

**Hey Angel,**

Yeah?

**What happened to that monkey thing?**

What monkey thing?

**The one that played music and clapped it's hands together**

I can honestly say I don't know what you're talking about

***sigh* It's because you're old...**

_Ya think?_

No one asked you insolent boy

**Yeah, you're just a slave of fashion**

_That sounds really familiar_

Why, I have no idea what you're talking about!

**Me neither**

_Hmm, alright then…_

_Christine!_

**Meg!**

_Erik!_

Yes Meg?

_RAOUL!_

…

_Wh__at? I thought we were playing the name game_

_Le sigh. Anyway, I got some more mint stuff for you Christine_

MINT!

_Um, what's up with him and mints?_

**You know, I'm not sure**

_Yeah, a lot of people say stuff about Erik loving mint stuff_

**Odd**

_Hey Erik!_

Owie! That hit my eye

_Sorry. What's up with you and mint flavored objects?_

I dunno. Ask Gaston Leroux or was it Susan Kay… Maybe Ulla Hornborg?

**Who are these people?**

My real parents…

**Okay then**

You know what?

**What?**

I don't have a last name!

**Wow, you don't!**

_That's sad_

Your face is sad

_You would know!_

… That's low man. That's low

_Your mom's low_

You realize my mother was abusive and never loved me. Also, she's dead.

_Yeah, well, your face is dead_

**Raoul, he ****is**** described as a living corpse. He was born with his face like that**

_Maybe that's why his mommy didn't love him!_

Oh how right you are…

**Raoul, I would run**

_Why?_

**Because he's gathering all his torture devices. And he has that evil glint in his eyes**

_Pfft, he won't do anything!_

- Meanwhile, Erik really is getting all of his tools together. He sneaks up behind Raoul and slips the noose over his head without him noticing. He pulls it tighter, but not tight enough to kill him. Raoul turns around and sees Erik tying him to the chair, but can't move because he was tied to tightly. Just then, Sarah Palin jumped down from the ceiling and pushed on Erik's pressure points. After making him pass out, she helped Raoul from where he was captured. While this happened, Christine was watching from her seat with a bag of Cheetos and a can of Pepsi. Sarah turned to her and upon seeing no more danger, threw something on the ground and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "What happened?" Erik asked. Raoul screamed and Christine said, "How many times do I have to tell you, write it down?!" -

* * *

**I just noticed something. I'm really quite pathetic.**

**Erik: We already knew that**

**Shh. I had about 15 emails saying that I had favorite author alert and stuff, and I was so freaking happy!**

**Erik: Wow, that is pathetic**

**Shut up. At least my parents love me**

**Erik: *attempts to punjab Courtney but she ducks just in time*******

**Ha! The winner for the contest thing yesterday was Kelsey. I would've given you the prize in person, but you weren't registered! So now you get a hug fom Erik, a cookie with his face on it, and Phantom sparkles while you read this long and rambling authors note.**

**Erik: Wait, I thought you said no hug?**

**Oh well, I lied**

**Erik: ...**

**Preview:**

**But, I saw it!**

It doesn't mean it's real

**IT IS!**

Prove it to me

**Maybe I will!**


	9. They really do exist!

Erik, **Christine,**_ Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul_

**I saw a unicorn today!**

They don't exist

**Yeah, they do**

No, they don't

**I saw a picture of one though**

Right. They don't exist

**But, I saw it!**

It doesn't mean it's real

**IT IS!**

Prove it to me

**Maybe I will!**

_Hey_

**UNICORNS DO EXIST!**

_I know._

THEY DO NOT EXIST!

**Yes, they do!**

They don't!

_I rode one the other day_

Shut up. Your opinion doesn't matter

_Bully _

Yep

_You're no fair!_

Life's not fair

**Especially to unicorns**

Will you stop with that?!

**Um… No**

*sigh* Raoul, bring me my morphine needle

_I ain't your slave_

Just bring me it

_Nevah!_

Bring. Me. My. Needle!

_How about no_

**I'll get it**

Really?

**No**

Damn you! You little lying Delilah! You little viper!

**Jeez, what's with the dramatics?**

Shut up and get me my morphine!

_No!_

**Come on Raoul, let's leave him here to wallow in his sadness**

_Okeis_

You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of yooooooouuuuuuuuu!!!

* * *

**Happy new year everyone! Woo! First post of 2009... It seems like only yesterday I was celebrating the new millennium of 2000**

**Erik: It seems like only yesterday I was celebrating the new year of 1900**

**That's sad.**

**Erik: Shut up**

**Oh! Guess what!**

**Erik: What?**

**IT'S SNOWING!**

**Erik: J'ai noté, vous idiot**

**Wait, what?**

**Erik: *sigh* I refuse to explain**

**Noooooo!**

**Preview:**

_I love you_

Who?

_You_

…

_No, not you! Christine!_

You have no idea the amount of relief I feel at having you say that


	10. Confused!

Erik, **Christine, **_Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul_

_Hello_

Good evening

_Hey_

_Hi_

_How are you?_

Fine

No, not you! Meg

_Sorry spaced out there. I'm good, you?_

_Fine, fine_

_Not you! Christine_

**I am awesome**

_Cool_

**So, what are you doing later?**

_I might go creep out Carlotta… She's getting on my nerves_

**I wasn't asking you. I was asking Erik**

_Oh, sorry_

What do you think I'm doing?

**Composing?**

Yep. How about you?

**I don't know**

Not you. The fop over there

_Shop_

Should've known

_I love you_

Who?

_You_

…

_No, not you! Christine!_

You have no idea the amount of relief I feel at having you say that

**Why are you confused?**

_I don't know_

_BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD, AND STUFF!_

**Meg, are you feeling okay?**

_*giggles* Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_

Are you sure?

_Yeaaaaaaaaaaaa_

Are you doing drugs?

… _Maybe_

I wasn't asking you, I was asking Christine

**I might be, I don't remember…**

Le sigh. How do you not remember?

**It's called amnesia retard**

Excuse you?

**Sorry, meant that for Raoul**

Yeah, right

**Yeah, I am right**

Suuure

**I am sure**

*rolls eyes*

_Do not roll your eyes at me!_

I was rolling my eyes at Meg

_Oh_

_Let's go drink beeeeeeeer! Beeeeeeeer! Beer, beer, beer, beer!_

Drunken bastard

_GASPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!11111oneoneoneone_

**I'll go with you Meg**

_Yay drinking buddy!_

* * *

**Oh my goshness! Guess what!**

**Erik: What?**

**I'M PLAYING A SELECTION OF SONGS FROM PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IN BAND! YAY!!**

**Erik: What instrument do you play?**

**Flute**

**Erik: That reminds me of a story I once heard**

**About whom??**

**Erik: Me. You know what? I'll give you the link to it. .net/s/3130186/1/Erik_Plays_Flute**

**Yay story time! Also, I am really really really really really re-**

**Erik: Let me say it. Courtney is really sorry that she hasn't updated in awhile. She was thinking up excuses to tell her teachers about why she didn't hand in her homework.**

**I'm sorry! I had a lot to do, then I went to this Challenge day thingy and it made meh sadd! I cried really hard and stuffs!**

**Erik: Oh poor you. You're not the inly one that cried, so shut up you baby**

**!**

**Erik: What?**

**!!**

**Erik: What?!**

**!!!**

**Erik: WHAT?!?**

***sniffs* I'M NOT A BABY!! *starts crying***

**Erik: My point exactly**

**Preview:**

**DUN! Dun, dun, dun, dun, DUUUUUN!**

What are you doing?

**Singing your theme song**

I have a theme song?

**Yep!**


	11. Theme songs!

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta****, **_Raoul_

**DUN! Dun, dun, dun, dun, DUUUUUN!**

What are you doing?

**Singing your theme song**

I have a theme song?

**Yep!**

Interesting. Does it have words?

**Yesh. But I forgot what they were… so I'll just hum it! HMM! Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, HMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!**

… I have a theme song?

***sigh* yes**

That. Is. AWESOME!!!

**Chyaa**

How did I not know about this until now?

**Eye dee kay, it plays whenever you enter a room**

That's only in Andrew's mind

**Please don't mention him… He's a creepy stalker dude that rakes children in the middle of the night with a spork**

You realize that made no sense what so ever

**IT'S SNOWING AGAIN!**

I know. I slipped when I went outside

**Hehehe**** I wish I had seen that**

I hat you

**Don't you mean hate?**

No. Hat is more intense than hate

**Like lurve is more intense than luff?**

I still don't understand that, but yes, I suppose

**Awesome possum!**

That's what she said

**Oh! You were wrong!**

I highly doubt that. What was I 'wrong' about?

**Fop. It doesn't mean 'fairly obvious pig'**

Then what does it mean, oh smart one

**Fashion obsessed pig. Duh**

Wait, do you have a theme song?

**Umm, I don't think so**

Haha, sucks for you

**That was really mean, you know**

And I care why?

**Because you lurve me**

… damn

**Duuun! Dun, dun, dun, dun, DUUUN!**

Okay, that's getting annoying now

**You're getting annoying now**

I will kill you

**Noo you won't**

Why won't I?

**Who else will tell that dude when you run out of morphine?**

… true. Speaking of morphine, can you get me some?

**Nope**

Damn

* * *

**And yeah, I know some might be getting this in an alert, but I don't know... maybe not... I had to edit something... Anyway... I'm baaaack!**

**Erik: From where?**

**My break. Now I will _TRY_ to get back to updating everyday. Notice the underline, bold, caps, and italics on try**

**Erik: Because we all know you won't be able to do it**

**Shhh. I have a question for you**

**Erik: Shoot**

**Shoot what?**

**Erik: *sigh* it means start**

**...I knew that. Okay, which movie depicts you best?**

**Erik: Hmm, I would have to say either Lon Chaney or David Staller**

**Interesting. I want you readers to tell me which actors 'deformities' do you think stays true to Kay or Leroux's Erik, or even just the way Erik acts, in your review. Of you review, I will give you a cookie with Raoul's face on it.**

**Erik: Just think of it this way, you get to destroy/eat him. Or if you actually like him, put it in a frame!**


	12. Destler

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul_

**OHMYGOD**

_What?_

**ERIKHASALASTNAME!**

_What?_

**ERIKHASALASTNAME!**

_Okay, a little slower this time._

***sigh* I said, Erik has a last name**

_He does?!_

**Yeah!**

_Well, what is it?_

***giggles* It's Destler!**

_Oh my God, really?! That's so embarrassing!_

**No, really? I bet he's jealous that he doesn't have an awesome last name like Daae**

_Or Giry_

**Dude, Girysucks as a last name. I would kill myself if I had that as a last name**

_You suck… You know what?_

**What?**

_I bet if Erik found this, he'd be mad at you for saying that his last name sucks_

**Well it does!**

_Yeah, and he's going to be pissed…_

**What do y****o-**

Why in the world did you hit me in the eye with this stupid piece of paper?

_Just read the above convo_

_Lotte, you better run_

**Why?**

_He looks pissed_

I am not 'pissed' at Christine, my dear

_Awwcrap!_

Oh yes, little Giry, I would run and never return if I were you

_Think of me fondly!!!_

**Yay! She's gone!**

I thought you liked that ballet rat?

**Oh I do! It's just that I wanted to be alone. With you. And your organ.**

Why would you want to be with my org- Oh…. Umm, as much as I would love that, I can't

**But, I want to hear you play!**

Ohhhh!!!! Okay, never mind the above comment

**You're a pervert, you know that?**

Yep

* * *

**yeah, sorry this is short. I have to study for mid-terms so I might not have a chance to update for one or two of weeks... I'm so sorry!**

**Erik: Silence. Your voice annoys me.**

**Le gasp!**

**Erik: When is your copy of Le Fantôme de l'opéra going to be here?**

**I don't know....**

**Erik: Sorry readers. I had to ask. She won't stop bugging me about it! Every minute it's, "Do you think it's here yet? Do you think it got lost in the mail? Do you think it'll be any longer? Do you think???????" Dear God in Heaven she's driving me insane!**

**It's true. But I can't help it. It's how I am.**

**Erik: *sighs* I've noticed.**

**Oh guess what!**

**Erik: What?**

**Guess!**

**Erik: You're going to die in seven days?!**

**No, and don't get your hopes up. I messed up my arm the other day, so now I can't play flute for a long time or it hurts**

**Erik: Hallelujah!**

**Shut up. And now for free advertisment! Check out my other story, **50 Things that will surely get you killed. **It's Phantom of the Opera, so don't worry :3**

**Erik: You probably aren't allowed to do that.**

**Whatever. Well, that's all for now! Au revoir! Tu te leur! See ya!**


	13. Happy Birthday to You!

Erik, **Christine, **_Meg, _Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul_

**Do you have the cake?**

_Yes. I picked it up this morning_

**Good. Erik, you better hurry up with those streamers or I ****will ****hurt you**

I am moving as fast as I can, do not rush me

**Sorry, Mr. Grumpy Mask. Meg, try not to use so much tape when you wrap the presents!**

_Sorry!_

Christine, I 'ave the balloons and helium. I shall get to work

**Good! Finally, someone who is actually doing their job!**

_I'm doing my job!_

_Raoul, all you have to do is wait outside the door, waiting for her to get here. It's not that hard_

**Trust me, for him, it is**

_Hey!_

**Hey!**

_You!_

**You!**

_I don't like your girlfriend!_

**Dude, just no**

_I hate you_

**Hey! No ruining her day**

_She's not even here yet!_

**But she will be soon so, shhhh**

_*glares* fine_

_She's here!_

**Hide!**

* * *

At this, Erik flipped off the lights and he, Meg, Christine, Madame Giry, and at last, Raoul, all hid behind various objects in Erik's home. There was a small tap on the door and Raoul said in a high-pitched voice, "Come iiiiiiiin!" The door opened and everyone jumped from their hiding spots and yelled, "Surprise!!"

"Oh my good-a-ness! You-a threw-a party for-a me… a? I love-a you guys-a!" Carlotta shouted, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks.

"Great job, your royal fopness. It wasn't Avatarlover1! It was just that cow…" Erik said, sitting on the organ bench. Just then, a girl walked in, holding an invitation in one hand and a cellphone in the other. She looked up from herphone and glanced at all the decorations around her. "Lemme guess. You guys planned a huge surprise party for me and she," the girl jabbed her finger in Carlotta's direction, "ruined it."

"Pretty much." Christine said.

"Hey! I helped too!" Raoul shouted. The girl, whom at this point we find out is Avatarlover1, rolled her eyes, strolled over to Erik, and plopped on his lap.

"I hope you don't mind, I've been wanting to do this for awhile." She told him. As she snuggled her head deeper into our favorite mask-wearer's neck, he shot a look at Christine that clearly said, "Help! I have no idea what to do and am really uncomfortable." She just laughed.

"Um, Avatarlover1, there's um, cake and stuff here… And it kind of needs to be eaten before it melts… It's ice cream." Meg said. Avatarlover1 sighed and crawled off Erik's lap, and walked over to the CD player.

"Well let's get this party STARTED!! Woo!" She yelled and turned it on. Music filled the air and she started to dance.

Many things happened during that party, some which I am not at liberty to say, for fear of death by Punjab. I will leave that to your imaginations, whether it be perverted or not.

* * *

**Happy birthday! Yea, I hope you like it... Sorry this was so short, I wrote most of this during my lunch and extra periods and the teacher kept hawking over my shoulder so I had keep bringing up different windows... Yeah, fun.**

**Erik: Shut up you rambling fool. And yes, a very happy birthday to you Avatarlover1. May you days be filled with happiness and your nights be filled wi-**

**With dreams of Erik killing Raoul!**

**Erik: Yes... Killing Raoul...**

**Yeah, and if you were wondering, the cake was shaped like Erik... hehehe, every part...**

**Erik: You, mademoiselle, are a freak**

**Thank you!**

**Lady Chrystinne:** **Pssst, Courtney! Pass it to me!**

**Kay, lemme just create a distraction... Hey Erik, I think Christine is about to jump off the roof of the Opera Populair... She says that she'll only come down for you.**

**Erik: It is then my duty to go and see that she is safe. I will be back! *he leaves***

**Here ya go! *passes Erik's lasso that she took during the party***

**Lady Chrystinne:** **Thanks! You have no idea how happy I am that I'm actually HOLDING the famous death instrument of him**

**Alright then...**

**Erik: Christine wasn't up there, just some old guy with stickers all over his shirt.**

**Lady Chrystinne! Runn!!!**

**Lady Chrystinne: Bye Erik, I love you!!!! *runs away***

**Erik: Who was that?**

**Um, I don't know? Anyway, see you readers next time. *waves***


	14. What the fruit?

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul_

Bon après-midi Christine.

**What?**

Ne pouvez-vous pas me comprendre?

**Um… No? I can't understand you!**

Hahaha! Je parle votre propre langue cependant. Vous devriez comprendre.

**I know you just laughed at me, so it must be rude!**

Je suis désolé que mon ange, le Suédois soit meilleur ?

**AHHHH! Raoul!**

_OW! What the Hell?!_

**I don't know what Erik's saying!**

Jag tvivlar högt att den ska snobbet förstår mig.

_Oh men jag! Lärd svensk I, när jag gick att skola._

**Oh great, now everyone is talking in different languages except me. I hate you guys!**

多分日本語は最もよい。

**Eriiiiiiiiiiik!**

何か。これは煩わせているか。

**Will you stop with that?? Please! I beg you! *gets down on knees***

… Alright. Since you beg, I will stop.

**Thank you**

No problem

**What languages were you speaking?**

French, then Swedish, then Japanese. I was going to start on Irish, but then I got bored

**I hat you.**

Hey! That is Erik's word!

**Dude, what up with the third person?**

So know you're saying Erik's weird? Erik will show you that that will not be tolerated!

**Erik, chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil**

Fine.

**I love you!**

*le gasp!* You do?!

**No, I was just joking**

*dies*

**Live damn you!**

I didn't actually die. I was saying that to prove a point

**What point?**

You'll find out

* * *

**HI GUYS! I'm back. I had taken my mid-terms (ewie) and then my grandma had to be taken to the hospital so I didn't have much time to write.**

**Erik: Have you seen my Punjab lasso anywhere? I can't find it!**

**I don't know, have you checked your coffin?**

**Erik: Um, no.**

**Then go check there. It seems simple to me.**

**Erik: Fine.**

**Lady Chrystinne: Is he gone?**

**Yep. So, where'd you put the Punjab?**

**Lady Chrystinne: Umm, well... I kind of... sort of...**

**Spit it out for God's sake!**

**Lady Chrystinne: I lost it! There, I said it.**

**He's going to kill you.**

**Lady Chrystinne: Aha, not if he can't find the lasso! Muahahahahah!!**

**He'll make another one!**

**Lady Chrystinne: Shit.**

**What the fruit! No cursing here please!**

****

**Lady Chrystinne: **You curse

**Whatever. By the way readers, in the woods near where I live, there have been noose's found hanging on a tree (one at a time) When I first heard about it, I thought, "ERIK! I KNEW YOU ACTUALLY EXISTED!" But then I realized I was being extremely irrational. And also, I have now read the original Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux, and I loved it. Any who! I am done now with the updates.**

**Lady Chrystinne: You have to help!**

**Okay, um, just go look for it again at your house and where ever you took it**

**Lady Chrystinne: Ooh, I am so going to die!**

**Erik: Who are you?**

**Lady Chrystinne: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!!!!!! *runs away***

**A friend.**

**Erik: Okaaay then...**


	15. What if?

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul_

**Erik…**

Yes?

**What if we didn't exist?**

Then I suppose we wouldn't be writing this.

**No, I mean like, what if someone is telling us what to do, and what to say?**

I'm not sure.

**What if we're not supposed to know that we're not controlling our actions, and when the person who is, finds out that we found out? Would we die?**

Maybe they want us to find out. Maybe they're making you think about this, just to confuse us.

**Oh my God! That would be freaky. I feel like I'm just part of someone's story.**

Now that you mention it, it does feel that way.

**Erik?**

Yes?

**I'm scared.**

_Me too._

It's rude to interrupt people.

_I don't care. I agree with Christine, so technically it's not my fault. If we're just part of a story, then it's the author's fault._

Whoever wrote me the way I am, curse you!

**Erik! Don't be mean to them! They might kill you off!**

Oh well, it's not like anyone cares…

_**Do not say that! There are many girls who would love to do you…**_

**What?!**

_**Let me finish… a favor.**_

Well, that makes me a little better. So, ho- Wait, who the hell are you?

_**Your best friend and your worst enemy.**_

What is your name?

_**Sue. Mary-Sue.**_

_Are you like God's assistant?_

_**Perhaps fop, perhaps.**_

_WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME FOP?!?!?!?!_

**Don't get her mad, you could get killed!**

Oh no, go ahead. I would love for that to happen.

_**You and most of the world.**_

I like her!

_**Yes. Yes, I know.**_

**Umm, that's not creepy… Not.**

_**Careful, you wouldn't want anything to happen to you, would you?**_

And now you go to far!

_**And now I leave! Bye Erik, love you!**_

That was… odd.

**Agreed.**

* * *

**Heheheheh. Yeaaaaah. I was bored.**

**Erik: When are you not?**

**When I'm writing.**

**Erik: Figures.**

**Shadow Archer: Um, Erik?**

**Erik: Yes?**

**Shadow Archer: I found this Punjab on the side of the street, and I thought it might be yours...**

**Erik: LU-LU! *hugs the Punjab lasso***

**Lu-Lu? You named your Punjab lasso? Wow.**

**Shadow Archer: Yeah, I know, right?**

**Who are you?**

**Shadow Archer: I used to be known as Lady Chrystinne, but I grew tired of it.**

**So you finally found Erik's Punjab?**

**Shadow Archer: Nope. Bought him a new one.**

**Oh crap, he'll find out you know.**

**Shadow Archer: Nahh, I know him, he won't.**

**Well, then I'll just go get your reqium ready.**

**Shadow Archer: You worry to much!**

* * *


	16. Morphine Again

Erik, **Christine, **_Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul_

OH MY GOD!

**Um, Erik?**

Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah?

**Are you feeling okay?**

Yup, yup bub!

***sigh* Did you find the morphine again?**

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe… Yeaah. It has amazinglyness.

**What?**

Amazinglyness. It means to have amazing.

**That's stupid.**

Nu-uh! It has amazinglyness!

**No, it doesn't!**

Yeah, it does!

**No, it doesn't!**

KITTY!

***mutters under breath* idiot…**

I can hear what you wrote.

**Don't you mean see?**

Nope!

**Eri****k, I'm going to find your morphine stash, and BURN IT!**

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

**ENOUGH!**

Okey dokey!

***sigh* Go dunk your head in water our something…**

Whay?

"**Whay"?**

It means why in stoner.

**Oh, okay.**

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life! Ooooooh,

_See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the Dancing Queen!_

Oh em gee, don't you just love that song!

_Chyaa, it like, so totally has amazinglyness!_

HA! Told you it was a real word!

**Whatever.**

* * *

**I'm just an updating fool today!**

**Erik: No, your just a fool**

**Pssh. Whatever.**

**Erik: Don't whatever me!**

**Jeez, what crawled up your bum and died?**

**Erik: Nothing... It's just that the Punjab that Shadow Archer gave me... IT WASN'T LU-LU!**

**Oh, I'm sorry. *tear***

**Erik: Aww, you're crying with me? That's so sweet!**

**No, *tear. again.* I got salt in my eye from the Potato Sticks. *cry***

**Erik: Oh. *goes to his corner to cry***

**Koolkay: Um, I guess he's upset...**

**Who are you?**

**Koolkay: Its me, Shadow Archer. I have issues with my name, it is often changed.**

**Yes, I can tell.**

**Koolkay: Anyway, the last time I saw Erik's Punjab, it was by my snake's cage...**

**Oh dear... You're so dead.**

**Koolkay: No! I don't want to die!**

**Then run Forrest, run!**

**Koolkay: *leaves***

**And now for some free advertising! Go check out my other story, **Forget Your Wide Eye Fears**. It's not a crack-fic, but it's still of good quality. I hope.**


	17. Uber tired

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta,** _Raoul_

**Erik you look quite down with your big sad eyes and your big fat frown. The world doesn't have to be so gray! Erik, when your life's a mess, when you're feeling blue, always in distress, I know what can wash that sad away! All you have to do is put a banana in your ear.**

A banana in my ear?

**Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear. It's true,**

Says who?

**So true. Once its in, your gloom will disappear. The bad in the world is hard to hear, when in your ear a banana cheers. So go and put a banana in your a banana in your ear!**

I'd rather keep my ear clear

**You will never be happy if you live your life in fear. It's true,**

Says you!

**So true. When its in, the skies are bright and clear. Oh every day of every year, the sun shines bright on this big blue sphere, so go and put a banana in your earrrrrrrrrr!!!!!**

Okay, one question.

**Shoot.**

Why?

**I was bored.**

*sigh* Then go get some morphine instead of bugging me!

**FINE! MAYBE I WILL!!!**

Fine! See what I care!

* * *

**Yeah, I know that was random. But that song was stuck in my head. I will give out a cookie with Erik's face on it to whoever can tell me the name of the youtube video that belongs to.**

**Erik: *sniff* I miss Lu-Lu...**

**Aww. Poor, unhappy Erik.**

**Edward: *magically appears* Where am I?**

**My mind. *tilts head slightly* Welcome.**

**Erik: GET AWAY BEFORE SHE STEALS YOUR LU-LU!**

**Don't mind him. He's always like this.**

**Edward: Where's Bella?**

**I dunno. Probably still in Forks.**

**Erik: I told you! She stole your Lu-Lu!**

***to Erik* Shhh! *to you guys, my awesome readers* That's all folks!**


	18. If you were gay

**DISCLAIMER: (yeah... I forgot to do this...) I do not own Phantom of the Opera, any of the adaptations, or Avenue Q's song, If You Were Gay.**

* * *

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta****,** _Raoul_

_Erik?_

What?

_Are you gay?_

No.

_You answered that awfully fast._

Well I'm not gay.

_You know, __if you were gay, that'd be okay, I mean 'cause, hey, I'd like you anyway. Because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay. (But I'm not gay!)_

I am not gay!

Christine!

**OW!**

I apologize. Just answer me this,

**Mkay,**

Do you think I'm gay?

**Well… I dunno.**

What do you mean, "I dunno."?

**I'm not sure.**

What do you mean, 'you're not sure'??

**Well, I've never seen you with a lady.**

THAT'S BECAUSE I ONLY LOVE YOU!

**Dude, stalker much?**

But am I, or am I not, gay?

**It doesn't matter because, if you were queer, I'd still be here! Year after year, because you're dear to me. And I know that you, would accept me too, if I told you today, "Hey! Guess what, I'm gay!" (But I'm not gay.)**

Holy fruit! I'm not gay!

**Holy fruit?**

_That sounds kind of gay to me…_

SHUT UP! Nadir doesn't like me to curse. He says it's not "appealing."

**Raoul, what if Nadir and Erik were in a gay relationship?**

_I do NOT want to think about it._

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_What should it matter to me, what you do in bed with guys?_

I don't do any thing with him, or anyone else, in or out of bed!

**Sure, right. Prove it to me.**

How?

**Hmm… How about… Oh! You have to kiss Meg!**

Ew, she's like, 15.

**And? If you weren't gay, you wouldn't mind.**

FINE, GODDAMNIT!


	19. Erik the half a ghost

**Disclaimer: I do (not) own Phantom of the Opera, or Monty Python's Eric the Half-a-bee song/skit**

* * *

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta****,** _Raoul_

_EWWWWIIIIIIIEEEE!_

**What?!**

_He kissed me!_

**Who?!**

_Eriiiik. It was nasty. His lips were all chapped and stuff…_

**Finally. Jezz, took him long enough.**

_What do you mean, "took him long enough"?_

**Oh nothing. Nothing at all.**

_*narrows eyes* And why don't I believe you?_

**I don't know. Maybe I should go talk to Erik about kissing you.**

_Tell him I say hai!_

**Hai?**

_Yep. Like hiionly less formal._

**Hii?**

_Like hi only more fun to say._

**Ohhhh, okay.**

_**~Christine thusly makes her way to the fifth cellar where Erik is sitting on his organ bench.~**_

**You finally kissed her.**

*sighs* Yeah…

**Why'd you sigh?**

Oh, no reason. Just felt like sighing.

**Riiiiiight.**

So, did you come down here for a specific reason?

**Oh yeah! I wanted to give you some lip balm. Meg said your lips were super chapped.**

It's not my fault. I usually don't have to worry about stuff like tha-

_Hey Christine!_

I swear if you rip that paper out of my hands one more time I'll ki-

**Hey Raoul. What's up?**

_I just got a Fish License for my pet Halibut, Eric._

You called?

_No, I was just talking about my pet halibut, which is named Eric._

You named your pet halibut after me?

_And my pet dog, cat, llama, and half-a-bee._

**Half-a-bee?**

_Yep._

*shakes head slowly* I'm not even going to ask.

**Hey, where's Ayesha?**

_Who?_

**Erik's cat.**

_Oh._

She is currently asleep in my bed.

**You mean your Persian Cat Basket?**

Whatever you wish to call it, it remains the same thing.

_1 2 3, A B C, it's Erik the half-a-ghost!_

I thought it was Eric your half-a-BEE not ghost.

_Oh it is, I just thought it'd be funny if you were only half a ghost, and then I could sing a song about it!_

***sigh* Raoul, I hate to say this, but you're a true idiot sometimes.**

_Thank you!_

* * *

**I feel like a turd.**

**Erik: Look like one too...**

**Shut up...**

**Erik: Do not tell me to "shut up" mademoiselle**

**Fine. **

**:3= says :p**

**Erik: What was that?**

**That was Walrus Man. He's not happy with you...**

**}:3=**

**See?**

**Erik: Okaaay then. I see you have lost your marbles.**

**Nope! I have them in a box under my bed.**

**Erik: My point exactly**

**I 'ate you.**

**Erik: I here that a lot. I'm used to it.**

**Aww. Poor, unhappy Erik the half-a-ghost**

**Erik: ...You will die slowly and painfully...**

**Oh my! Won't anything stop you?!**

**Erik: *turns to readers* Reviews will.**

**Please! I beg of you! Review so I won't dieee!**

Free advertisement: Check out my other stories- 50 things that will surely get you killed and Forget your wide eye fears

**And yea... I did have to edit this again. *winces* That's what I get for updating really late at night/early in the morning**


	20. Ehhhhhhhhhh

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, **Carlotta****,** _Raoul_

**What's a vampire?**

And where did this question come from?

**Madame Giry was reading this book by Bram Stoker called Dracula. I then asked her what it was about, and she said vampires.**

They are fictional. That is all you need to know, child.

**Fine I'll ask Raoul!**

_OWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Paper cut!!!!_

**Sorry… I hath a question. What's a vampire?**

Sir, I forbid you to tell her that.

_Why?_

Because I'm the closest thing she has to a guardian, and I fear telling her what a vampire truly is will cause her to have nightmares.

**Of what, pray tell?**

Of vampires biting your neck and sucking out all your blood. That is what they do after all.

**!**

Shit.

_**~ Madame Giry then mysteriously appears out of nowhere, and whacks Erik on the back of his head.**_

"_**LANGUAGE MONSIEUR!" She yelled this, then was gone as suddenly as she had come.~**_

_Haha. You got smacked!!_

*smack* Now you, too, got smacked.

_Mommy!!!!!_

**Am I to assume that I am "mommy?"**

I suppose, though that implies many disturbing things. Especially since you are married to each other.

**Ah.**

Well, I hate to have to leave so quickly, but I must bid you a fond adieu.

**Bye!!!!**

_*sniffs while holding his head* Bai…_

* * *

**Sorry this sucks and is so short. I've had family issues, and major writers block. Seriously.**

**Erik: And she completly forgot about this.**

***smiles sheepishly* Hehehe....**

**A shout out to all those who reviewed!!**

**IamthePhantomoftheOpera**

**BrideofPhantom**

**Lady STRiPES**

**WanderingChild96**

**Koshion The Critiquer**

**Thank you sooooooo much you guys! Y'all make me smile, and you get virtual Erik shaped cookies. Enjoy!**


	21. LE GASP! An update!

Erik, **Christine,** _Meg,_ Madame Giry, _**Carlotta's replacement!!**_**,** _Raoul,

* * *

_

**Can we go on a picnic?**

To where, mon ange?

**Why, in your little garden beneath the opera house!**

Err, I don't have a garden there. Are you feeling alright?

**Of course! Hey, where are your multiple masks?**

What in the world are you talking about?!

**You have a schnazzy black tiled mask, and a freaky black one with giant eyebrows, and then a red one that looks like Mephistopheles, and a clown one, and one that makes you look sort of gay, and then you have a plain one you wear under it all the time!**

… Have you hit your head?

**ARGHHHHHHH!!! I'm not crazy! You took me on a picnic and you had an adorable little hat, and a walking cane, and you could play the flute, and you dumped rats onto Carlotta after she poisoned me, and then-**

I think you should lie down now.

**But I don-**

Yes, you do want to rest. It'll be good for you.

**Bleeeeeh.**

Do not "Bleeeeeh" me mademoiselle. You will suffer an unimaginable fate.

**Watch me. BLEEEEEEEEEEEEH.**

… if you were someone other than Christine, Erik would've killed you by now…

**And that's why I love being meeee!!**

_**Erik, why is the girl rolling on the floor?**_

Daroga! What are doing down here?

_**I heard jovial laughter, and wondered what sort of trickery you were up to.**_

**You use big worddds!**

_**Yes… I suppose I do. Erik, are you absolutely positive Christine is alright?**_

Honestly, I have no idea anymore. She was going on about some sort of artificial garden around here, and something about my having… questionable masks.

_**Questionable?**_

**ERIK'S GAY!!**

_**There is nothing wrong with two men being in a relationship, nor two girls.**_

But I'm not! *cries* why does everyone think I like men, and not Raoul?! He's obviously queer!

**I take offense to that, "angel." By saying that my **_**husband**_** is queer, that's insinuating that I am either a man, or that Raoul is using me as a cover up. I can assure you now that you would be wrong. He loves me very much, almost as much as you do Erik. And another thing, Raoul is not a fop. Yes, he cares about the way he looks, but doesn't everyone? I know for a fact that you have tailored suits made from the finest materials.**

Yes, but-

**No buts. I'm tired of having myself and my husband picked on by you, and nearly everyone else right now. You would kill for me Erik, and I note that, but Raoul would die for me, and no offense, I think that's demands much more bravery.**

_**Whoa.**_

**Yeah. I'm deep like that.**

I apologize, mademoiselle. I had no idea my taunting affected you so deeply.

**Yeah, you better say sorry.**

_Hey, what's up guys?_

_**Have you realized your wife is very intelligent when she applies herself?**_

_Oh yeah. Every morning she reads the paper, and at night we-_

**Let's not go there, dear.**

_*blushes* right._

… I'm going to ignore that.

**Sassafras!!!!!!**

And then it's gone.

* * *

**A/N **I have no idea where the last part came from. I lied. I was reading over the last few chapters, and I saw that I was basing Raoul off of the movie. In fact, I barely used the book, except for some descriptions. So from now on, I'm going to make the characters more like Leroux wrote them.

Yeah... I owe you an explanation. My grandma has N stage Dementia, so it's been kinda hard to be funny. Also, my brother came home from Iraq a few days ago, so I'd been worried about him, and just a lot of other stuff. BUT! I am getting my funny back, little by little. And plus, it's summer! Yay! This means I'm going to try to update my stories as much as possible. :)

**Erik:** It is a pleasure to see you readers again.

Yeah, he left me to go visit Paris again. :p Don't do that to me again.

**Erik:** Erik shall do whatever he pleases, mademoiselle.

Blah blah blah. Anyway, I hope you guys aren't too mad at me, because I have some funny, funny ideas now!


	22. OMG 666 letters!

**WARNING: ****This chapter contains horrible vampire puns and jokes. Be prepared to groan and perform many facepalms.**

* * *

Erik, **Christine, **_Raoul_

_

* * *

_

**May I ask you a question?**

You just did, but you may ask another.

**What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs, and goes quack-quack?**

I don't know. What?

**Count Duckula!**

Oh Lord, don't tell me.

**Yep! I asked everyone I knew to tell me vampire jokes!**

And, of course, I have to be the tester?

**YUS!**

Le sigh. Why do I put up with this?

**Okay, okay. I have another one. Why does nobody like Dracula?**

*sigh* Why?

**Because he's a pain in the neck! *laughs so hard her stomach hurts***

That wasn't all that funny.

**Raoul would've laughed…**

Raoul's a boob.

**Where does Dracula water-ski?**

Nowhere, because he doesn't do that!

**Nope! On Lake Erie!**

*shakes head*

_OWIE!! Maman!_

Shut up you boob. Christine wants to tell you some jokes.

**Ooooh, yes! Another one! How can you tell when a vampire is sick?**

_When they start coffin!!_

**Omg isn't that just so funny?!**

You both are complete idiots!!!

_Oh, oh! Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?_

Because he's an idiot?

**Because he likes to draw blood!**

_You know, I went to the doctor's the other day, and it really sucked. I had to get my blood drawn, and the doctor nearly drained me!_

**Oh that's horrible! Who was it? I don't want to go there!**

_His name was Dr. Acula_

Oh my God! If you two don't shut up this instant, I'll kill you both!

…

**Guess what Dracula's favorite ice cream is.**

Ahhhhh!!! *runs away*

_Um, I don't know, chocolate?_

**Nope! Veinilla!

* * *

**

**A/N **I warned you guys! *evil laugh* I'm going to Disney World on the fifteenth of August, and I don't know if I'll be able to update during that time. SO! I'm going to try to update these stories as much as possible now.

**Erik**: Oh joy. More randomness.

Aww, you know you love me!

**Erik:** No, I truly don't.

*sniffle* Fine. Be that way. I want to thank **VampPhan**, **IamthePhantomoftheOpera, mag36gie913, **and **WanderingChild96 **for reviewing. Whenever I see in my emails that I have new reviews, I smile so much. You guys rock! :)

**Erik:** That's because you have no life.

:p Oh! By the way, I'm in the process of creating a t-shirt around the PPP's (Phantom Phan Phreaks) You can actually thank my dad for that. I will also be writing a story around it someday, but it won't be for awhile. So if you find a girl with shoulder length curly hair with a shirt that says that, you'll know it's me. I'll probably have a design for it on deviantart next week or so. My name is the same here; xXCourtney-HaleXx


	23. Life's a beach nott

**Erik, Christine,** _Raoul_

* * *

_Your so stupid._

… My so stupid what?

_What?_

Your is possessive. If you meant you _are_ so stupid, you should've used you're.

_What are you, the Grammar Police?_

I have been called many things. I could add that to the list.

_ERGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're impossible to deal with!!!_

**I think he's sweet.**

_Woah! Where'd you come from?_

**My mommy and daddy.**

_Okay, that went way to far._

**Like I was saying, I think Erik's sweet. Do you know all the things he bought just so my stay would be comfortable when he first kidnapped me?**

Hey!

**I mean- whisked me away?**

Better… I guess….

_I don't really care. I'M YOUR FREAKING HUSBAND! *sniff* why don't you brag about the things I did/do?_

**Weren't you here last time we spoke? I was defending you so much.**

_Really? Do you know how much I love you?_

**Almost as much as I love you.**

Okay, can we wait until I leave, please?

**Heh. *blushes* sorry angel.**

Since it's you, I accept your apology. Now, why don't we all go for a nice boat ride around my lake, hmm? I'll bring a picnic basket too!

**I'm in!**

_Since Christine's going, I suppose I have to, too._

Hooray! Now, where's Lulu…

* * *

**A/N **So sorry I haven't updated yet, so many things have been going on in my life. For one, I am adopted (woop!!) and seeing as I was adopted when I was 7 months old, I don't remember my birth mom. Now, my brothers and I are all adopted, and we had the same mother, but different fathers. I know what you're thinking, so shh for now. My oldest brother is getting married on November 3, and my birth mom's going to be there. The down side? She's 40 but acts like an 18 year old, and every other word is f- this and f- that. Next, or really first, on August 10th, I got in a car accident with my mom, and when she was getting her back checked out, the doctors found a tumor wrapped around one of her spinal piece things. Luckily, it's not cancerous, but everyone on my mothers side of the family has had cancer. I'm really worried about her because she also has diabetes and she could go into a coma if things get out of hand. And also there was the start of my sophomore year of high school, and I've been getting settled. I know that sounds like a bunch of excuses, but I just need to tell someone that doesn't already have an opinion of me, really.

**Erik:** Life is hard sometimes. You have to accept that and move on.

Well aren't you the positive one.

**Erik:** I'm just saying, your life sounds bad now, but it will get better. Trust me.

Aww, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!!

**Erik: **I can be deep sometimes.

And for those of you who don't know, tomorrow, the 23rd, is the hundreth year anniversary of when The Phantom of the Opera was first published in _Le Gaulois. _Love it!!!


	24. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIK!

**Happy birthday Erik!!!!**

**Erik, Christine,** _Raoul_, Special guest star!!

* * *

Sigh. For some reason, I'm feeling very old today.

**Oh my gosh, me too!**

_I have to admit, I agree with both of you. Something peculiar is going on. I just know it._

Maybe it was those sandwiches we had yesterday…

**That'd be your fault then. Your the one who made them.**

IT'S YOU'RE!! God, get it right, will you?

_*coughcough*grammarpolice*coughcough*_

**Shut up you great booby.**

People, relax. Both of you have amazinglyness.

Are you a Mary-Sue?!?!

No silly, my name is HaleXx. xXCourtney HaleXx.

**What's up with the double 'x's?**

I dunno. It looks cool? Anyway, you're all right. One hundred years from now, people all over the world will be celebrating 100 years of Phantom goodness.

What?!?!?!?!?!

I know it's hard to believe, but trust me. You'll be famous.

**Really?**

Of course. Do I look like I'd lie to you?

_Yes._

No one asked you. Oh, and you'll have no respect Raoul.

_HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?????_

I told you, you're famous in my time.

So the world knows Erik's secrets… And they still accept him?

Erik, you're the most loved of everyone. People pity you and they want you to be happy with Christine.

**That's so sweet!**

No offense, but you've said sweet so many times these past few days.

**H- how do you know?**

I'm from the future!

How?

**Why?**

_CAN I COME WITH YOU TO THE FUTA?? _

Because of that, I shall take my leave without any of you. Nice job!!!

*smack* now look what you did. You've ruined Erik's life a second time!

**No fighting you guys. I actually believe what that girl said.**

Well of course you do! It's the truth! *poof*

_Okay, that's a bit freaky._

Your mom's a bit freaky.

_Your face's a bit freaky._

Your wife's a bit freaky.

**Hey!**

_Your -life's- a bit freaky._

**Okay, you can stop now.**

Your family's a bit freaky.

_Your cat's a bit freaky._

**Please, stop!**

Oh you did NOT just say that!

Ooh, you got future girl mad.

I'll cut you up.

_A bit violent are we?_

Meh, I blame the media.

* * *

**A/N **Hooray!! Happy Birthday Erik!! I loooooove you!!!

**Erik:** Aww, really?

Of course. You're like, the best person in the whole world ever!

**Erik:** Yay!!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, because as a birthday gift to Erik, I'm going to try to post a new chapter every day for a hundred days. It might not be for this story, but maybe 50 Things and perhaps some new one-shots.

You're welcome!


	25. De Chagny just got burned!

Erik, **Christine,**_ Raoul_

* * *

_Does Erik drink coffee?_

***blinks* I- I don't know. He never drank any while I was there… He only drank tea and wine… We should go ask him.**

_NO! Er- I mean, no. I say we should try a little… Experiment._

**What do you mean?**

_We should see how Erik responds to a bit of caffeinated coffee drink. If he acts, differently than usual, it means no, he does not drink any coffee. Or at least, not with caffeine._

**That sounds like a great idea! When should we do it?**

_As soon as possible. Like, tomorrow._

**Sure! But wait, how are we going to get him to drink some?**

_I'll bring a pot of it over when we visit._

**You're so smart! See, this is why I love you.**

_*blushes* Thank you. I am pretty smart, aren't I?_

**And cocky. But it doesn't matter to me.**

_And that's why I love you. You accept me in all my glory._

**And not glory.**

_Shhhh._

What are you guys talking about?

**Nothing.**

I can just read what you wrot-

_**-Christine rips the paper out of Erik's hands and shoves it in her mouth.-**_

Raoul, do you know what just happened?

_Nope, nope. No idea what so ever._

… Something weird's going on, and I don't like it.

_Your mom doesn't like it._

That's low.

**No! We will NOT start that today!**

_Sorry Christine dearest._

Ohmygosh!!!!!! ThatremindsmeofwhenIwaswatchingMommyDearestanditwasreallygrossbecauseIwascryingandthenthesnotgotallovertheinsideofmymaskandIhad toget anewone. And that's why this mask has a nose hole.

… _You need to get a life._

Your mom needs to get a life.

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! You guys are hopeless!!! Sexy, yes, but hopeless!**

… Sexy?

**In the way you move and your presence. You have sex appeal Erik, and I bet if your face wasn't completely messed up, many many women (and possibly men) would want to be with you.**

_Would -you- Christine? Would you want to be with him?_

**Well now, that's not a real question. I refuse to answer.**

What's that smell?

**What?**

Are you cooking anything?

**Noooo. Why?**

Because it smells like something just got BURNED!!!!!!!

* * *

**A/N **See? I am going to do this. I know that many of you doubted me. *feels smug*

**Erik: **Wow. For once, I think you're actually going to be true to your word.

Le gasp!! I know!!! Anyway, I feel asleep as soon as I got home from school today, and only just woke up... I nearly missed todays update!

**Erik: **And that would be -such- a shame, wouldn't it?

The sarcasm is so not appreciated. Oh! Today in Science we got to use a burner thing and make a piece of iron red-hot. It was so cool looking! I wanted to touch it really badly because it look so pretty, but the teacher said I shouldn't... I was sad. lol Anyway, until tomorrow. PEACE!!!


	26. Will it ever end?

**A/N What have I gotten myself into???**

Erik, **Christine, **_Raoul_

* * *

HICHRISTINE!!!!!!

**Hiiiii… You okay?**

FINEI'MFINE

**You sure?**

YEPPYEPPBUB!!

**Raoul, I'm frightened. What'd you do to him??**

_I gave him the coffee. Apparently he doesn't drink any caffeinated beverage._

IKNEWIT!IKNEWITWASCAFFEINATED!!!!!!WHYDIDN'TYOUTELLMETHATTHEREWASSTUFFINIT????

_Calm down. It was an experiment._

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!WHATKINDOFEXPERIMENTWASTHAT???

_Hey, remember when you did that experiment to Christine where you hid from her in the dark and she couldn't find you then you appeared behind her and scared the shi_

**Language.**

_And scared the poop out of her? That was pay back for that._

Meany head!!!! GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Calm down Erik, it's called karma. Just accept it and move on.**

ICANNE

**Did he just fall asleep?**

_I think he crashed. It happened to me when I first drank coffee and Philippe buzzed off half of my moustache. I looked ridiculous._

**Aww, he looks so cute and peaceful when he sleeps. I just want to hug him!!**

_Do I look cute when I sleep?_

**No.**

* * *

**A/N** All you doubting people can put your doubter finger away. I CAN DO IT!!!

**Erik: **You say that now... Just wait until you get to day 20.

Shut up. I wasn't asking you.

**Erik: **You weren't asking anyone anything.

Shut up! Anyway, life has thrown another thing at me. My oldest brother, the one who's getting married, posted on his myspace, "[insert my parents names here] suck at life."

...

Is he joking? My parents were the ones who sent him to a teen crisis help center because he was suicidal. If it weren't for them, he'd be dead. I just can't believe he did that. We cared for him while my birthmom was doing drugs and going to jail (which she still does). She does pot and now so does he. I wish he would make up his mind. A few years ago he threatened to kill my parents, then during Christmas time he sent a letter to me asking if they could ever forgive him. They did. Now he does all this shit and I bet you when his life gets crappy again, he's going to try to be all buddy - buddy with us. I'm not going to forgive him. He had his chance, and he blew it.

**Erik:** Take deep breaths Courtney, and calm down.

Sorry. I just feel really strongly about this. What I'm trying to say is you shouldn't say you're sorry if you're not. You should also love your family, no matter what. Don't mess that up because most likely you won't get a second chance with them.

:End Rant:


	27. Warning about the fop flu

Erik, **Christine,** _Raoul_

* * *

Have you been feeling tired lately?

**No, why?**

Have you felt nauseous?

**Why should I?**

Any loss in appetite?

**Will you tell me what's going on?**

How about any sudden and unexpected urges to use any type of hair products?

**Erik if you don't tell me what's going on right this second, I'll slap you.**

There's a new strain of Influenza…

**Mon Dieu! Is it serious??**

The elderly and very young are at risk. But I'm afraid your husband might have it… It's called the Fop Flu.

**…**

What?

**Erik… What have we said about calling Raoul a fop?**

*mumbles*

**What? I couldn't hear you.**

Calling your husband a fop is wrong, and if I ever do it again, you'll dip my face into a pan of etching acid.

**Correct. Who's a good phantom, who's a good little phantom-antom??**

*takes a deep breath* I swear if you were someone else, I would kill you without a second thought.

**But you luff me, and you know it!**

I'm not a child, so please stop talking to me like I am.

**I'm sorry, it's just so tempting!**

_Hey, what are you guys talking about?_

You.

**Erik.**

Sorry. Your mom.

**Erik!**

I was kidding! JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ! Take a joke.

_What's that about the Fop Flu?_

**Erik was being a boob.**

Hey! Only Erik can call someone a boob and get away with it.

_You're a boobyboobyboobyboobyboobyboobyboobyboob like boob._

**Erik, what did I say about knocking people out?**

That it's morally wrong.

**Exactly. So stop bugging Raoul.**

Every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you. Party pooper, party pooper!!

_No one talks to my wife like that!_

Grrr.

_Except for you._

Good fop.

**Dammit! What'd I say?!?!**

Sorry…

* * *

**A/N** Tomorrow I am going out of state to get some pipe organ parts. Why? Becuase my dad and I are rebuilding a Wurlitzer organ. With almost all original parts. Sweet nasty.

And another awesome note, I was in Best Buy today, and I was looking for Dracula with Bela Lugosi. While I was looking in the Horror section, I saw this large DVD box with a picture of Lon Chaney as Erik on the front. Of course I screamed, and the people in the aisle looked at me as though I was crazy, but I had found a box of 50 Classic Horror dvds (including the 1925 silent Phantom) for 15 bucks. Best Buy freaking rules.

I'm going to be working my way through all the movies until they're all done, and I'm so happy and excited and surprised that I founf it. It was last one there. :phangirl squee:

oh yeah, I'm true to my word! :) But IamthePhantomoftheOpera has asked me to stop saying that... So I will... For the time being. :)

And remember, reviews are my food. I need them or I'll DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Erik:** No she won't, but they do make her happy.


	28. These are getting lame

Erik, _Raoul,_ _**xXCourtney HaleXx**_

* * *

_ERIK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING KISSING MY WIFE?!?!?_

I needed to remind myself that I like women! Future girl left behind a story… Mon Dieu… I DON'T LIKE YOU RAOUL!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO A GUY!!!

_**Hahaha, I see you found that slash story.**_

Why would you ever qrite that kind of stuff???

_**I didn't. Lots of people from the future think you two are soul mates. Personally, I don't like it.**_

_Then why did you leave it here?_

_**I wanted to see your reactions. Have you read it yet?**_

_No, and I'm not sure I want to._

Oh no. I had to be scarred, now so do you.

_**Sexy's right. You have to have the experience.**_

… Sexy?

_**You don't remember what Christine told you a bit ago?**_

I do. I just don't believe it.

_**Whatever. Where'd you put the story?**_

In a locked trunk.

_**Well get it and give it to Chagny.**_

_I have a name._

_**I know. I just like calling people by their last names.**_

_Why don't you call Erik by his last name._

… _**Well, I prefer not to.**_

_Do you even know what it is?_

… _**I SHALL NOT ANSWER YOU!!!! *poof***_

I say she doesn't know it.

_That'd be funny._

I'm going to get that story now.

_Bye "sexy"_

I DON'T LIKE YOU IN THAT WAY!!!!!!!!! OR IN ANYWAY! I HATE YOUR GUTS! GAHHHHHHHHHH!!

_PMS much?_

* * *

**A/N** Mon Dieu. I need to get more ideas.

Anyway, right now, I am in Boston Mass. and tomorrow afternoon I'll be picking up some pipe organ parts. Woo! Anyway, I watched The Hunchback of Notre Dame in the car ride here, and I am now totally in love with Lon Chaney. He's just so awesome!

Day two of the massive movie marathon is almost over, and tomorrow I believe I will be watching Nosferatu.

**Erik: **Isn't that one of the first vampire movies?

Yep! Oh! And if Lon Chaney hadn't died, he would've been cast as Dracula instead of Belu Lugosi. I just want to say wow. That's pretty sweet.


	29. I scared myself

**A/N **The person who comes up with the most synonyms for "mad" gets to be in the next chapter I do. See bottom A/N for the cause of this contest.

Erik, **Christine, **_Raoul_

* * *

**Hey Raoul.**

_*twitch*_

**Le sigh. What'd Erik do to you now?**

_Not Erik… Future girl… story… Erik and…_

**And what?**

_*shudders* It doesn't matter. I know I love you and only you, and you know that. And we also know how much I hate Erik._

**Raoul, he's not that horrible. You just caught him on one of his bad days.**

_I DON'T CARE!!! I'LL NEVER LOVE HIM!!!_

… **I don't expect you to.**

Hey Chagny.

_GAH!! You've been hanging out with future girl!!!_

That I have. Though she is annoying and perverted, she's starting to grow on me.

**Aww, that's so sweet. Raoul, don't you think that's adorable?**

_*twitch. Again.* I guess._

Still disturbed with future girls story?

_I don't like you like that… I barely like you as an acquaintance._

**Okay, now hug.**

… Excuse me?

_Yeah. I'm not sure I saw that right._

**Well at least shake hands then. Jeez.**

_I refuse._

For once Chagny, I'll have to agree with you.

**There. Don't you feel better?**

_No._

Me neither.

_**Erik kissed Christine, and he liked it, the taste of her **__**cherry chapstick!**_

_GET OUT!!!_

* * *

**A/N **Today my brother (the one who's getting married) decided that my parents sent him to the crisis centers because they didn't know what to do with him. My parents didn't/don't really love him because, "you're not my real fruitcake* parents." I was so pissed that I'm surprised I could spit this chapter out. I've never felt that mad at anyone before. As my mom was reading the email he sent her, I could feel my neck and face burning with hate. I now know what it feels/looks like to see red. I wanted to kill someone. I realize now somewhat the extent of my anger. I felt as if anyone told me to calm down then I would have struck them down without knowing who it was. To tell you the truth, I scared myself. I really did. But eventually I calmed down enough to tell my parents I was going to take a bath, and I vegged out in the water for a little over an hour until I could speak rationally. No one has ever made me that angry before, and I hope that it never happens again. Although I did feel as if I was connecting to my inner Erik.

So, point is, I don't know if I'll be able to do any humor. If any story comes out of my mind, it'll probably be dark. I will try, however, to be funny, but please don't fet your hopes up. I feel really bad that I promised you I could do the hundred day thing, and then this shi-poopi* comes up. *takes deep breath* I think I'm a bit calmer than I was. I apologize to you guys again.

*censored lanuage.

P.s. I was serious about the contest thing. Go now! Haha.


	30. Update time!

And the winner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*drum roll PLEASE!!*

xxClosingTimexx!!! Congratulations! And without further ado…

Your chapter!

Erik, **Christine, **_Raoul,_ **xXCourtney HaleXx****,** _xxClosingTimexx

* * *

_

_Oh my gosh!! I can't believe we're actually here!!_

**Yep! Aren't you glad you came?**

_Teehee!_

xXCourtney…. Who is that?

**Mah friend!**

… And what's your "friends" name?

_I am xxClosingTimexx, at your service._

And are you from the future too?

_Of course! It's so great there. *le sigh*_

Does everyone in the future have x's in their names and says le sigh?

**Only the totally awesome ones. The others are just awesome.**

_Except for the ones who suck._

**Yeah. They suck eggs.**

…

_Oh xXCourtney! I see you've brought a friend!_

_FOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Oh God. Not another one. My husband is -not- a fop!**

_I'm sorry Christine, it's on my list of things to do before I die. Next is kissing Erik…_

And now I take my leave!

**xxClosing, say you're sorry. And Erik, she meant her crush from the future. Not you.**

_Sorry Erik. xXCourtney's right._

Yeah, whatever. Just don't get anywhere near me.

**Well, what are you guys planning on doing for Christmas?**

I was going to sit at home by myself an-

_We should have a party!!_

**Le gasp! That's a great idea!**

**I must admit, a party does sound nice right about now.**

Please don't tell me you're having it-

**We can have it here!**

…in my house… You'll have to have my permission, and that's something you will never receive.

**Erik, they're from the future. They can pop in and out of anywhere, at anytime. I don't think you can stop them.**

_Besides, your old friend Mary-Sue is keeps bugging us about seeing you again._

_I can't believe you made him faint!_

**Oh, I do hope he's alright!**

**I'm sure he'll be fine. XxClosing, go drag him into his room and wait with him until he wakes up.**

_Aye aye, comrade!_

**Are you sure she can be trusted with him?**

**I assure you that no harm will come to him under xxClosing's care.**

_I say we trust your friend and get on with the par-tay planning!_

**My God. Did you seriously just say "par-tay"?**

_Technically I -wrote- it, but yes, yes I did._

**Christine, if you love your husband, get him away from me before I rip out his tongue/chop off his hands.**

_A bit violent, aren't we?_

**GAAAAH! *launches herself at Raoul*

* * *

A/N **Yes, I am back, and stories are being written! RL is finally calming down, and I have realized something.

Erik: You're annoying and obsessed with me/reading?

No silly! I knew that already! I realized that in two days, I will have been updating this story for almost a year, and I have nearly 150 reviews!

**Erik:** Oh wow. What fun.

I know, right?! Anyway, I want to thank everyone who has ever left a review. *takes a deep breath*:

Gleek of the World, Rugrat247, Blood Red Queen, Koshion The Critiquer, Unrequited Alto, Melody's Rose, Boomity, WanderingChild96, VampPhan, DesireeBoils, Scorpicus, Anges Radieux, Team Erik and Fang, Stargirl844, The Duelist's Heiress, it's pronounced 'lowlight', (a large thanks to) Lady STRiPES, Person, craftydevil, Avatarlover1, Angelic-Reader, Fatal Farewell (who has changed her name so much that I have lost track of all of them), starburst27, Kelsey, CaptainMcNeil, TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie (whose name is totally awesome), IamthePhantomoftheOpera (I have plans for a cameo for you. *shh*), EplusCequalsLUV, iXloveXjacob (I love Jacob too!), BrideofPhantom (possible cameo for you too. Erik would -love- your name.), lina, sakura ten'nyo, EscapeFromLife, BlackPhantom, s.e tudor, Rainshimmer, , and finally, Phangirl of the Opera (Love the name!)!!

Gah. That took forever. Anyway, if I missed anyone (which I doubt I did) send me a review telling me that, and I'll give you a thanks next chapter (on the exact anniversary of this story. Hopefully!)

Bye, and enjoy the holidays!!


	31. On a roll

I missed someone yesterday in my thank yous! , I say a large thanks for the reviews!

Erik,_**xxClosingTimexx, **__xXCourtney HaleXx

* * *

_

Ugh. Where am I?

_**In your bedroom. You fainted after I said that Mary missed you.**_

Oh. Right.

_**I was kidding about that, you know. I wouldn't talk to her (willingly) even if I got to spend time with you.**_

Why do you and xXCourtney like me so much? Do you not know of my evil deeds?

_**We do. In fact, everyone knows pretty much everything about you. And they feel for you. They want you to be happy with Christine.**_

But… Why?

_**Because we pity you. But some people, like xXCourtney and myself, respect you. You're a genius Erik. Musically and otherwise.**_

Really? That's rea- wait. How do you know that?

_**This guy named Gaston Leroux wrote your story down for the whole world to read. At first, it wasn't that popular, but once it became a movie in 1925, starring the FABULOUS Lon Chaney, it turned into a symbol of the greatest love story ever. Although now it's being ruined with Andrew Lloyd Webber.**_

I'm sorry, who?

_**Andrew Lloyd Webber. He's wonderful for helping more people know about you, but all they care about is how hott Gerard Butler is. And trust me, he's delicious.**_

… I don't need to hear that.

_**Sorry. Anyway, ALW is pretty awesome for creating his musical/movie, but he should've stuck to the book more.**_

Huh. You know what? I actually don't mind your presence here. I can actually tolerate you.

_**SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Oh me gee, you have no idea how much that means to me!**_

_Hello? Oh. I thought I heard someone glomp you._

Please remove your friend from me.

_Aww, she loves you though._

_**I do!**_

As much as I like hearing that, it's very weird. Now _please_ get off me before I Punjab you.

_**Sorry Erik…**_

Apology accepted.

_Good! Now come on people! We have a party to plan!_

Ugh. Why did I agree to this?

_You didn't._

Thought so.

* * *

**A/N** Because I thought xxClosingTimexx needed a chapter with her and Erik. ^^ Anyway, I have started on the party. Woop!

**Erik:** Help! She has made me dance around in a hula skirt the whole day!

It's for inspiration! And it helps...

**Erik:** You are -so- lucky I want Lu-lu back.

Hehe. *to the readers* I took his punjab lasso and hid it in my room. He'll never find it, trust me.


	32. Christmas Eve Eve party part 1

"Oh come on Erik. It's one party. Why can't you just be cheerful?" I said.

"Because," Erik replied. "You're making me wear a party hat. I hate party hats." I smiled and patted his hand.

"'tis only for an hour or four. Then you can stalk to your room and plan my ultimate demise." He muttered something that sounded a bit like "don't think I won't…" while stomping to where the streamers needed fixing. I sighed and turned toward Christine.

"Are you sure everything's ready to go? All the balloons filled? The cake is ready? I asked her.

"Of course. Listen," she said, pulling me away from Erik who was unsuccessfully trying to hang streamers. "This is really nice of you to throw this party for Erik. He needs some holiday cheer."

"It's the least I can do. Now, go get the pie out of the oven, it smells like it's done." I said. She nodded and headed towards the kitchen.

DING-DONG!

"Oh my God! They're here!!" Raoul screamed from the couch. I rolled my eyes and went to get the door.

When I opened the door, I saw Fatal Farewell (a.k.a. KoolKay a.k.a. Lady Chrystinne a.k.a. Shadow Archer. I think.), Rugrat247, Blood Red Queen, Unrequited Alto, Melody's Rose, Boomity, WanderingChild96, VampPhan, DesireeBoils, Scorpicus, Anges Radieux, Team Erik and Fang, Stargirl844, The Duelist's Heiress, it's pronounced 'lowlight' and Koshion the Critiquer all standing there with the required party hats on and smiles brightening their faces.

"Hey guys, come on in. We're just finishing up with the food. Make yourselves comfortable!" They all bustled past me, wishing me a merry Christmas Eve, and I returning them.

"Erik! I got you a present! I hope you like it… It's a new Punjab lasso… To replace Lu-Lu…" I heard a familiar voice say.

"YOU TOOK LU-LU???" I spun around to see Erik with his hands wrapped around Fatal Farewell's neck.

"Erik! Erik, calm down. Relax, breathe. She didn't take your Lu-Lu. She just heard about it being taken and felt bad." I lied. His eyes bore right into me, trying to see if I was lying or not. Apparently he believed me because he dropped Fatal Farewell onto the ground. I dropped to her side and whispered in her ear as Erik walked away, "it's best not to even mention that. He's still a bit… touchy on that subject."

"Ooh, okay," she whispered back.

"Now, come on. Is this a party or not? Raoul, hit play on the CD player and Christine, hurry up with the food!" I yelled out directions, hoping to get this thing going. The music started and everyone (except for Erik) was soon laughing and talking, so I just barely heard the timid knock on the door. I walked over and cracked it open to see Lady STRiPES, Person, craftydevil, Avatarlover1, Angelic-Reader, starburst27, Kelsey, CaptainMcNeil, TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie, IamthePhantomoftheOpera, EplusCequalsLUV, iXloveXjacob, BrideofPhantom, lina, and Carlotta all standing there with various things including hot chocolate mix, dozens of mismatched mugs, marshmallows, coffee mix, and whipped cream.

"I figured you could use some extra goodies," TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie told me. I smiled at them all and nodded, stepping out of the way.

"Everyone's welcome. Except for you Carlotta," I added. She hung her head and trudged back the way she came.

"Stupid-a future girl…" she mumbled. I giggled and closed the door on her retreating back.

"Gah! How many people did you invite?!" Erik shouted, whirling me to face him. I was a bit frightened by how close he was to me (when he's in a good mood, I wouldn't mind. But when he's mad… *shudders* He has fiery eyes of doooooooom!!) but I swallowed and forced myself to look him in the eyes.

"Oh, about 38." I said as calmly as I could.

"That's it," he said. "You're trying to kill me." He let go of me and half turned around before asking me in a pained voice, "Did you invite… Her?" I shuddered.

"Don't worry, Mary Sue has no idea about this party," He breathed a sigh of relief and walked to the food table. I shook my head. This was going to be a -very- strange night.

* * *

**A/N **Don't worry, this is only part one. I will do a three day fest, including carols, food, and an angel that looks oddly like Erik.

**Erik:** HELP! PLEASE!!! I'll do anything!! Just get me away from this evil child!!

Okay, first, I'm not a child. Second... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*:3=

Even Walrus Man has a party hat on Erik!

**Erik:** I still hate party hats.

Party Pooper.

And don't worry (again) it will get better than this. ^^


	33. Very very late Christmas party part 2

"Oh come on, just one? Please? Consider it a Christmas gift from you to each of us!" Lady STRiPES said. Sakura ten'nyo, EscapeFromLife, BlackPhantom, s.e tudor, Rainshimmer, and Phangirl of the Opera all nodded their heads in agreement. Erik sighed.

"Fine. The best way to kill a fop is to first cut off all his hair and file his nails to stubs."

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come! Let Earth receive her king!"

"No! I hate that song! Lets listen to something by Straight No Chaser. They're awesome!"

"Which song? I think I see the CD over here…"

"OW!"

"Christine, that's why you're supposed to use the Ove-glove when getting things out of the oven!" The whole party was in chaos. There was sakura ten'nyo, EscapeFromLife, BlackPhantom, s.e tudor, Rainshimmer, Phangirl of the Opera, Lady STRiPES, Person, craftydevil, Avatarlover1, Angelic-Reader, starburst27, Kelsey, CaptainMcNeil, TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie, and Erik in one corner discussing ways to torture/kill Raoul, IamthePhantomoftheOpera, EplusCequalsLUV, iXloveXjacob, BrideofPhantom, lina, Rugrat247, Blood Red Queen, Unrequited Alto, Melody's Rose, Boomity and WanderingChild96 were trying to figure out what music to listen to, VampPhan, DesireeBoils, Scorpicus, Anges Radieux, Team Erik and Fang, Stargirl844, The Duelist's Heiress, it's pronounced 'lowlight', Koshion the Critiquer, and Carlotta (who snuck back into the party) were getting the presents under the tree, and Christine, Raoul and I were in the kitchen, getting dinner ready.

"xXCourtney! What CD should we put in?" The Duelist's Heiress asked, sticking her head in the doorway.

"Straight No Chaser, fer her sure." I said. "They're the best a cappella group ever. "Oh, and tell everyone to come into the dining room. Dinner is served!" She squeed and skipped into the other room. I chuckled and turned to put the ham on the table.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

"Present time!" I yelled. The house on the lake became dead quiet for a fraction of a second, then all Hell broke loose. People were scrambling for seats right near the tree, and a few (meaning most everyone) were even trying to sit on Erik's lap (who was smart and got a seat prior to the madness).

"Settle down everyone! Seeing as I'm the hostess, I will be distributing the presents," I said, instantly silencing the crowd. I grabbed the closest present I could reach. "The first present goes to… Erik! And it's from xxClosingTimexx!" I tossed him the brightly wrapped present, and Erik caught it just before it hit his face.

"I can only imagine what joyous present you have purchased for me this Noel," he commented while unwrapping the gift.

"Erik, no need to be rude." His response? A death glare that would make Hercules cower.

"Oh how nice!" Christine exclaimed. "xxClosingTimexx, that was very thoughtful to get Erik a new rapier!"

"I thought he might need something for dueling," she responded.

"I must admit," Erik said while examining the sword. "it's of a good quality, and not too heavy. Thank you."

"NEXT!" I shouted, handing him a yellow wrapped box. "This one is from Phantom's-only-Christine." I saw Christine blink a bit at the name, but she shook her head and smiled.

"Hmm, a hula skirt. How… kind."

"There's another thing in there!" Phantom's-only-Christine said. Erik poked around in the packing peanuts and pulled out…

"What is this?" He yelled, dropping the mysterious gift back in the box.

"It's a coconut bra. To go with the skirt, of course!" You couldn't see it, but I just knew Erik's face was bright red.

"Er, thanks."

"Okay, this one's from .belle."

"Whose it for?"

"Who else? Erik." This one was wrapped in a nice blue paper. Erik, now more cautious of these phans opened it slowly to discover…

"Angels and Demons? I've never heard of it…"

"That's because it's a book from the future. I read it when I was 12, and I loved it!" .belle told him.

"Is there anything for me?" Raoul asked.

"Um, I think I saw something for you somewhere in here," I dug around in the giant pile until I found a medium sized bag that had his name on it.

"Here ya go." I tossed him the present and I saw his face light up.

"Wait, before you open it, I have to say something," The Duelist's Heiress said in a hushed voice. Fearing the worst, I motioned for her to go on.

"I… just lost The Game!" She broke down crying as I screamed in rage.

"Noooooooo! Surely not The Game!" I sobbed and clung to Erik.

"The Game?" He asked, while trying to pry me off.

"The Game… The rules are you can't think about The Game, or you lose," I said between sobs. "Once you think about winning, you realize you've lost!"

"That sounds like a sucky game." Raoul said, itching to open his present.

"It is, but once you start playing, you can't stop." I sighed. "Go ahead, open it."

"Yee!" With that odd sound, he tore into the bag, throwing gift wrap everywhere.

"Ooh, that's beautiful!" It was a black wooden box with a painted couple dancing on the cover.

"Open it! Open it!" Rainshimmer Has Duct Tape cried. I looked at her blankly.

"When did you get here?" I asked. She shrugged.

"I'm a sneeeeaaaaaky snake." She replied, then slithered out the door like a, well, like a sneaky snake.

"Okaaay then... So Raoul are you going to just stare at it, or are you going to open it?" Raoul grinned so wide he looked like the Cheshire cat and slowly opened the lid. He looked at it with his head tilted to the side. Christine peeked in it and also looked confused.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I- I don't know..." Raoul replied.

"Let me look, you fool." Erik was now peering into the depths. "That's... Unlike anything I've ever seen." After he said that, the whole group crowded around the box trying to figure out what was inside it.

"Let me see." I said, trying to rip it out of his hands.

"No! It- it would ruin your pure soul." I laughed out loud at that.

"Oh man, I can't believe you think I'm innocent!" I howled. "Ahh, not even close monsieur. Now let me see."

"No way. That's messed up. Raoul, just close it and put it away or something... No one should be subject to see that." I growled and lunged for Raoul.

"Let me see whats in that box, or so help me God, I will tear you limb from limb!" I was in full on crazy mode. I suspect it was from hanging out with Erik too much.

"Mademoiselle! Sit down right this moment or so help ME God, I will throw every single last person (except Christine and StrawberryStoleYourCookie because she has lots of cookies) out of my house!" Erik screamed at me. Yeesh. He had such a temper.

"Fine. But I think I should give you my present now. It's pamphlets on eating disorders and anger management issues."

"GAH!" He grabbed his Punjab lasso, but I held up my hand. "Alright, I see I have overstayed my welcome. Children, we're all leaving now. You can all thank Raoul for being a prick and not letting me see what's in the box." The phans surrounding me groaned and I heard from every direction, "Gee, thanks Raoul.""Foppish boob.""Great job ruining the party." I felt a bit bad, but figured he would forget about it in a few days.

I hugged the still seething Erik and reluctantly hugged Raoul, and waved goodbye to Christine. I waited for everyone else to finish their farewells and fairfarrens and then clapped my hands once. "I wish the Goblin King would come here and take us home right now!" I said. There was a flash of blinding light, then a blonde-haired Fae stood in the center of the room, with glitter all around him.

"You called?" He asked in a slow, sexy voice.

"Yep. We're going home. Raoul ruined the party and besides Jareth, didn't you miss me?" I asked.

"Not necessarily. It was a nice break. I got to spend Christmas with Sarah." I sighed and grabbed on to his arm.

"Come on everybody, you know the drill. Grab on to me or Jareth." Most people scrambled for Jareth, but I still got a few passengers. As the magic started coursing through me, I waved goodbye to the trio and laughed at the look of sheer confusion on their faces.

_**The End!**_

* * *

**A/N** Oh, this is far too late, I know! Please don't kill me. I was just being lazy and procrastinating, and yes, I -do- know it's the beginning of July... Well, at least you can cool down with this awesome (I hope!) chapter.

**Erik:** That was the stupidest thing I ever read.

Oh pish posh. At least no one raped you.

**Erik:** At least I knew what's in the box.

... Touche.


	34. Short with AN to BrideofPhantom and all

**A/N **Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a second! BrideofPhantom, who ever said this was finished? I may abandon it for months at a time, but this monstrosity will continue for as long as people read it and like it! I have no plans of just dropping it! Yeesh. Jump to conclusions much? :D

* * *

Erik, **Christine**

You know, I've been thinking about moving to America. It is called the Land of Opportunity.

**What would you do there?**

I don't know. Probably start my own show at Coney Island. I'll call it Phantasma, and there will be three main freaks called The Mighty Squelch, Miss Fleck, and Doctor Gangle. Along with that, Little Giry will become more or less a stripper and sing a new Vaudeville song. I'm thinking something called Bathing Beauty.

… **Dear sweet Jesus. Have you gotten into the morphine again?**

I only wish.

* * *

**A/N **Short but sweet. And, as you might've guessed, it was about Love Never Dies. Now please don't shoot me, but I actually liked it. A lot. Not the plot, (have I made a rhyme? XD) dear God no, but the music. I really loved most of the songs (NOT Beauty Underneath. Erik is not supposed to be an uber-rock star. *shudders* His voice should -not- sound like that!) My favorite is actually a tie between Heaven by the Sea, Bathing Beauty (even though both get stuck in my head the moment I hear the first note) and Till I Hear you Sing. If you haven't heard them, look those both up on you tube now!

**Erik: Ooh, you're in a ranting/rambling mood tonight.**

Shush. I just babysat triplets for five hours. I have a right. :P


	35. BACK FROM THE GRAVE

Oh hi guys! Long time no talk.

This is awkward.

I've got bad news for you guys. If you haven't already guessed it, I'm done with this story. I know, I know, the last time I talked to you all I said it wouldn't be over for a long time, but I've just been so busy with school (I'm a senior in high school now you guys!) and family issues (bleck.) I haven't had a chance to breathe, let alone write anything. Besides, I've matured a lot since I started this and my writing style has changed so much.

On the plus side, I WILL be continuing 50 Things and you will be hearing from me just a little bit more often. I've got a few ideas rolling around my noggin.

In other news, my fandoms have increased. Instead of being obsessed solely with Phantom, I've rounded out my love to include Doctor Who, BBC Sherlock, Big Bang Theory, A Clockwork Orange, and Harry Potter. I think that's everything…

Anyway, if you want to hear from me more often than once in a blue moon, follow me on tumblr: consulting-timelady(DOT)tumblr(DOT)com. It's fun and filled with love and joy and Benedict Cumberbatch's cheekbones! (You'll understand once you see it haha).

Sorry to disappoint you if you even still remember me, but Phantom of the Notepad is being laid to rest!

**THE END.**


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